Denial
by Quill and Saber
Summary: Kyouya wonders why he did what he did. Onesided KyouxHaruhi


_Disclaimer: I don't own this. Trust me. I know about ten words of Japanese total, and yes, sushi is one of them._

_I'm not a KyouHaru shipper (at least double-sided), but I thought I'd give it a try. The italics in the writing are the doppelgänger-type aspect of Kyouya, the voice-in-the-back-of-the-head that says everything his conscious self doesn't want to acknowledge._

**Denial**

It was remarked about him that he never did anything unless he had a clear, analytical reason for doing it. Ootori Kyouya prided himself that that statement was absolutely, utterly, without-a-doubt true. No effort of his was wasted. Not a muscle moved that did not accomplish a purpose. All in all, he was most likely the most efficient student at the Ouran Academy.

Ensuring that Fujioka Haruhi would stay enrolled at Ouran Academy to work off her debt was in the financial interest of the club. Any worry he had about her leaving was solely due to the financial hit from which he would have to help the club recover. _You know if you cared for her_ that _way you would be concerned as well_.

Not that he did care, of course.

A few days after Haruhi joined the club Kyouya decided to contact her father. Most likely Kyouya should have informed Tamaki of the necessity of this action and have the club president make contact, but Kyouya decided to do it himself. If Tamaki did anything it would more than likely end up botched, or worse, done completely wrong, or even worse, not done at all. Kyouya expended the effort himself to save effort in the long run. However, the action caused a bit more of a problem than previously believed. Kyouya ended up talking to Haruhi's father at least once a week to inform him of the doings of his precious daughter. _If you actually cared __that__ way, getting to know the father would be a smart move for the long run as well._

Not that he did care, of course.

Kyouya had, through his connection with Ranka-san, obtained photographs of Haruhi. This, Kyouya had explained to Ranka-san, was for club records. That wasn't precisely true. It was for Kyouya's personal profiles of each and every student at Ouran. Kyouya had gotten all the other photographs from yearbooks and the news; what complete profile did not have a few pictures to accompany it as visual aids? However, Kyouya found himself spending quite a bit of time studying these photographs. He told himself it was so he would always be able to recognize her, even years later, in case he ever needed it. His mind never provided him with an appropriate reason to want to do such a thing. _You know that, if you really cared, it would be something to remind you of her when she goes away_.

Not that he did care, of course.

He always made sure where she was. Again, this was made much easier now that he knew Ranka-san. However, some might think the agent from the private police force following her always was over the top. He didn't think so. Kyouya would have told anyone who asked that the purpose of having her followed was to know if she tried to escape. After six months he was fairly sure she wouldn't try to get out, but he was taking no chances. The policeman was also instructed (after the beach incident) to interfere any time her safety was at risk. Again this was in the financial interest of the club; a corpse cannot pay off a debt. _If you had cared, it would have eased your mind knowing someone would always be around to protect her._

Not that he did care, of course.

After the debt was paid off by the generous Eclaire-san, Kyouya was unsure whether to tell her or not. Haruhi was a natural host; she was one of the club's greatest moneymakers. Letting her go was not the best thing for the club. However, the tear soonest mended requires the least thread. At the closing of the school year Kyouya made a speech which he still could not remember properly (repression mechanisms are wonderful things) that informed the school of Haruhi's gender and gave reason for her unorthodox behavior. He was fairly sure he said it was for research purposes, to get a female interpretation on the needs of the clients, other junk like that that had absolutely no basis in reality. Surprisingly, everyone drank the story in as if it were straight truth. The girls who had liked Haruhi weren't disgusted; if anything they were grateful that "those darling hosts" had cared enough to get a girl to do research for them, even if it was the commoner student. _You know, if you really cared, it would have seemed odd to you to have a __girl__ in love with a girl you care about._

Not that he did care, of course.

Now he watched her from afar as she seemed in place in the yellow female uniform talking to the twins. He had long ago figured out that at least Hikaru was in love with her, however irrational it may have been for Hikaru to love anyone other than his twin and himself (Hikaru's self-love was almost a rival for Tamaki's). Kyouya felt a pang of something in his stomach. Hmm. Did he forget breakfast? No, he was fairly sure he had eaten, though anything that happened before ten in the morning he would never be absolutely sure of. That left him slightly puzzled; he knew the body did not react to anything without stimulus. Now he tried to come up with an explanation, any explanation, for the odd acidic burning.

He palmed a snack (he had developed this trick early on; who would respect someone who silently confessed to eating snacks?). A few minutes later it had made no difference. Hunger was out.

Being a member of a family where nearly everyone had a medical degree, he was fairly certain it was not a stomach virus. Illness was also out.

He could think of no other physical cause so he went on to the next possibility: mental. It was unlikely that he was imagining pain; he knew he didn't have a masochistic streak. Mental cause was out.

That left emotional causes. At first he scoffed at that notion; his whole goal in life was to remain unimpressed by the world, to remain a safe haven for logic and rational thought. Emotion had no place there. But to ignore a problem would be to encourage it, make it grow. To be aware was to control, to monitor and chastise when necessary. If an emotion had infiltrated his carefully constructed mental fortress he needed to know.

He mentally knocked off all the supposed "positive" emotions; his familiarity to the emotional sphere, however limited, could tell him that much. Sadness? That made no sense; even emotions followed a logical pattern though it was unique to the sphere. Anger? Still no sense. Jealousy?

He had experienced jealousy before of his two older brothers (_why_ did they have to be born first?). However, being envious of his brothers made sense; they were considered superior by nearly everyone. This time there was no stimulus that would trigger jealously. _Maybe, if he had really cared about the girl…_

Of course he didn't care. He'd probably never care.

_You know, I think I've figured out this emotion problem._

And it would be…?

_Denial_.


End file.
